


Unexpected

by avidbeader



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Backstory, Consensual Underage Sex, Galaxy Garrison, M/M, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Season/Series 07, but not by much, earns its rating in part three, just being on the safe side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-01 07:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15769290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avidbeader/pseuds/avidbeader
Summary: James and Keith never expected to get along, much less become friends. Or anything else.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always, just playing in Dreamworks' sandbox.
> 
> As always, extremely grateful to [Latart0903](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latart0903) for her invaluable beta help.
> 
> I was not expecting James to be anything more than a flashback character and just had to play with what else might have happened between him and Keith.

 

 

James Griffin is living a dream he didn’t even know he had.

 

Sure, he always thought space was cool and shit, but he hadn’t thought about the possibilities of being an astroexplorer. And then a representative from the Galaxy Garrison came to give a talk to the class and that was pretty cool—he’d been to the moon colony and Mars. Even cooler, he had a simulator that let you fly through space. His teacher had recommended him and his parents had agreed it was worth a try.

 

And now he’s in classes learning about science and space. He’s training to fly and that alone has made this experiment worth it. Even if he decides later that space isn’t for him, he’ll know how to fly and can turn that into a career in a lot of ways. Many of the teachers have already noticed him and most of the cadets in his year seem friendly enough.

 

There’s only one black spot.

 

Fucking Keith.

 

James is still not sure how Keith is here at all. Sure, he blew away the sim at school, but that had to be because he spent all his time playing video games instead of doing his homework. He didn’t turn in his assignments half the time and the only reason he was passing his classes was because he had infernally good luck on tests. He was a constant thorn in the teacher’s side, acting bored out of his skull and inventing shit to do instead of paying attention.

 

And he stole a fucking car! James still doesn’t understand why Shiro didn’t press charges.

 

Instead, he invited Keith to apply to the Garrison. Rumor has it he argued with the committee for hours and agreed to take responsibility for Keith’s behavior.

 

And the worst part? Most of the teachers here at the Garrison seem to know how to handle Keith. They’re challenging him with questions in class, pushing him to expand on his responses, guiding him if it looks like he’s close to an answer. They’re treating him like he’s smart, like he belongs.

 

And it’s working. Keith behaves in class. He’s getting his homework done. He’s not starting anything with other kids. (Okay, to be fair, Keith rarely started anything at their old school. But he sure as hell finished it if someone else went after him.)

 

The only class that’s an issue is flight training. Commander Iverson seems to be the one teacher that didn’t get the memo on how to work with Keith. Sure, the drills are a bit tedious, but they’re necessary to learn the skills to fly, to learn how to work as a team.

 

But Keith has never been a team player. And he makes no secret of the fact that he finds these drills impossibly boring. His yawns and eyerolls are like red flags to Iverson’s bull.

 

And now they’re here, sitting in the dean’s waiting area. James’ jaw aches from where Keith landed the punch and he glares. Keith is sitting a few chairs away, just staring out at nothing, his eyes wide with worry and fear.

 

Good. He fucking deserves it. Let him get kicked out and sent back home to his parents. Let them be mad at his failures.

 

The dean has been lecturing Shiro for almost ten minutes. Bits and pieces float out to them, confirming the rumors James had flung at Keith. Shiro is the reason Keith got into the Garrison.

 

Shiro exits the office, moving aside enough to let him in, and he sees Keith put on a mask of indifference. Then it’s James’ turn and he stands at attention in front of the dean’s desk. She looks up at him and he’s surprised to see how grim her expression is. Keith’s the one who hit him; why the hell is she looking at  _ him  _ like this?

 

“Explain yourself, cadet.”

 

“I...ma’am?” This is uncharted territory for James. He’s never been sent to the principal’s office, never been scolded by a teacher. He’s always been the good example.

 

“Explain yourself. What did you do?”

 

“I...I didn’t do anything! He punched me!”

 

“Yes, he did, and yes, he will receive his consequences. But I’m talking about you. What did you do to provoke him?”

 

“I didn’t touch him!” James is really starting to get upset. His stomach is roiling; why is she taking  _ Keith’s _ side?

 

“No, but the security footage shows you said something to him. He refused to say what it was, so I am asking you. What did you say that made him so angry that he resorted to striking you?”

 

“I didn’t…” James trails off, thinking back. He’d thanked Keith in full sarcasm mode, and Keith had given the driest goddamn response ever, obviously not caring that he’d stuck the entire team with weekend drills by showing off. James had lashed back, bringing up the rumor that Keith was only here because of Shiro. Keith had responded with more heat but still not really rising to the bait, declaring flatly that he was the best pilot here. That had set James off, because he couldn’t argue against the sim scores and he was furious that, after being at the top of his class his entire life, he was having to chase Keith, of all people, here at the Garrison. He’d fumbled blindly for a comeback, resorting to a lame schoolyard taunt.

 

“I… I told him he was only here because Lieutenant Shirogane got him in.”

 

“Anything else?”

 

What had he said? He doesn’t remember the exact words.

 

“I said something about his parents.”

 

The dean’s expression sharpens, a connection made. “You do realize he’s an orphan?”

 

He hadn’t known that. Keith had shown up at school on the bus and left with it daily, turned in various permission forms with everyone else. He had kept to himself and no one in their class had bothered to get to know him well enough to learn such things.

 

Now he knows why his stomach is twisting so much. This is guilt. Because James is smart enough to realize that it was the mention of parents that triggered Keith’s punch. Parents that Keith doesn’t have.

 

Keith never starts things but he finishes them.

 

James started this one.

 

He agrees to the detention, helping clean the commissary after dinner for a week, and the dean makes a point of mentioning that Keith will be doing the same.

 

James is smart enough to get the message. He’s expected to apologize.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

The first night, Keith keeps his distance. He takes the mop and rolling bucket and goes to the other end of the dining area, cleaning the floor with efficient strokes that speak of experience. It makes James wonder as he washes tables and benches: if Keith doesn’t have parents, what was his situation before the Garrison? Did he live with a foster family that assigned him the worst chores? Did he stay at that group home on the outskirts of town, get assigned to kitchen duty there?

 

These scenarios are uncomfortable for James, whose parents earn enough to have weekly maid service. James has never had to lift a finger around the house beyond making sure his used dishes are in the sink and his dirty clothes land in the hamper.

 

Keith stays far away, circling to keep opposite of James. At first he’s sure it’s because Keith’s still mad at him, but then he realizes that it’s handy—because they’re staying evenly spaced, the floor is drying before James has to walk on it to get to the unwashed tables. This way James won’t track any footprints that have to be mopped a second time.

 

They finish so fast that the custodian sets them to wiping out the cabinets, a job that needed to be done but one that nobody had been willing to stay late for. They make quick work of that and the custodian thanks them before sending them to the barracks.

 

Keith still doesn’t speak to him or even look at him. James takes it, but thinks about how he might be able to change that.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

It’s the fourth night when James makes his move. His mother sent homemade mint brownies and mint chocolate chip cookies, telling him in the note that they are nut-free in case he wants to share. James takes two of each, wrapped in some napkins he scavenged at lunch, and tucks them in his jacket before reporting for detention.

 

The floor and tables go quickly, as usual, and this time the custodian gets them to straighten the supplies in the walk-in fridge and freezer, making room for the next day’s delivery of fresh inventory. Once they’re done, they’re both chilled to the bone and the custodian presents them with hot chocolate before moving away to finish another chore.

 

It’s now or never.

 

James pulls the sweets from his jacket and unwraps them, laying them on the counter between them. “Want one? They’re nut-free.”

 

Keith looks up from his cup, startled, and his eyes narrow at the offering.

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“What’s in them?” Keith’s voice is full of suspicion.

 

“Nothing! My mom sent them. They’re all mint chocolate flavor. Take something.”

 

“Why? She sent them to you.” He’ not giving an inch, tone still sharp.

 

“Yeah, but she told me to share them. So here.” James pushes them closer to Keith, who backs away slightly.

 

“Why me? You hate me.”

 

“I… So I can say I’m sorry. I didn’t know about your parents and even if I did, I shouldn’t have said what I said. So I’m sorry. And I don’t hate you… Not anymore. Shiro was right to bring you here. Like you said, you can fly better than anyone.”

 

Now Keith looks at him directly. His eyes are big and uncertain. James never noticed before how blue they are.

 

They make James’ stomach flip-flop in an entirely new way. He pushes the napkin toward Keith again. “Please? If you don’t like them, I understand, but—”

 

Keith reaches out and takes a brownie. “Thanks.” He nibbles at it slowly and it hits James that he’s making it last. That he’s not used to dessert or treats. James debates on whether to take the remaining brownie or a cookie and decides on a cookie in case Keith wants the second brownie.

 

“Take another,” James presses him. Keith hesitates, his cheeks turning a little pink, but takes the last cookie.

 

“My mom sent plenty. I’ll bring more tomorrow.”

 

Keith ducks his head. “Okay.” He pauses, still over half a brownie to go, and looks back up at James. “I’m sorry I hit you. Shiro’s been telling me I have to learn to be patient and I’ve been trying, but what you said… I wasn’t expecting it. I should have done better.”

 

“Me, too.” James is already done with his cookie and drains the last of his hot chocolate before moving on to the brownie. He pauses, wanting to bask in the glow of a successful apology, but there’s something unsettled in his gut. He’s still trying to identify it and notices he’s let the silence get too long. He blurts out, “Hey, we should do something.”

 

Keith frowns, baffled.

 

James clarifies. “After drills Saturday, if there’s enough time, we could hike around the base? I’ve heard some of the upperclassmen talking: there’s trails to follow and a couple of overlooks that are supposed to be really good for watching the sunset or stars.”

 

Keith bites his lip before answering. “I… I’m supposed to meet Shiro, help him tune up some of the hoverbikes in the Garrison garage. His boyfriend’s gonna be out of town.”

 

James has to fight to keep the disappointment from showing too much. He didn’t expect it to be so keen.

 

Apparently he didn’t do a good enough job, because Keith’s expression is half apology, half concern. “Could we do it next week?”

 

James’ spirits rise so fast he almost feels dizzy. “Yeah, next week will work.”

 

If Keith can be patient, so can he.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Keith is living a life he never expected to have.

 

He is a student at Galaxy Garrison. He’s considered a strong cadet with solid grades and phenomenal sim scores. And after he and James came to an understanding, he’s been on his best behavior for Shiro’s sake. There’s rumors of Shiro being considered for some big new mission and Keith doesn’t want to do anything to distract him from that.

 

He never expected to have a future, to be wanted for his talents, to be  _ in demand. _

 

And he never expected to be friends with James Griffin. But here they are. They study together. They go hiking a few times a month. They hang out in each other’s bunk to watch movies or play video games. James’ mom sends enough baked goods in care packages for the both of them.

 

And when they clash, which they still do, they manage to keep it limited to words and the rest of the cadets tiptoe around them until one of them decides to apologize. James’ life has been easy and he still makes assumptions about others because of it, including Keith. Keith’s life has been hard and he still doesn’t fully trust anyone except Shiro, which can make James angry and jealous.

 

James just doesn’t get it yet. Keith owes everything that he has right now to Shiro. Just because James has never thrown it in Keith’s face since that first fight, that doesn’t mean the situation has gone away. If Keith were to do something bad enough, make a big enough mistake, he could lose Shiro’s friendship. He could lose the Garrison, which would make his future very bleak.

 

James doesn’t have such problems. He’s a golden child: loving parents, plenty of money, reasonably smart and willing to work hard if his brains aren’t enough, a secure future no matter what path he chooses. One year at the Garrison has made inroads into James’ blind spots, but just last week he had whined at the news that only the senior cadets would be getting tablets upgraded to the latest model after summer break. He’d tried to pull Keith into a heated argument with an upperclassman. Keith had refused to be drawn in; he was still not used to the fact that he was trusted with a tablet for his individual use, 24/7.

 

James had yelled and stomped off. It had taken two days for him to come back and start the apology conversation. That was Shiro’s term; he’d come up with it after one of their bigger fights, talking with Keith and helping him to work through what had gone wrong, encouraging him to resolve the situation.

 

James has a weird love for that term. Keith has never told him it came from Shiro.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

They are with a huge group of cadets, everyone milling around and waiting for the communication screens in the wall to light up and show the results of the first year’s training. Students in their year will be sorted between fighter or cargo pilots, engineers, and comms for the following year based on their grades and their sim scores. Students in the upper years will receive new rankings based on the year’s performance.

 

James is slithering his way to the front of the group, one hand firmly on Keith’s wrist to bring him along. Sure, he’s interested to find out how he did—he knows he’s in the fighter class and is probably in the top five as long as his subject grades are decent—but he doesn’t feel the need to crowd up to the front when they could wait for the mob to clear.

 

With one more yank and a protest from a couple of upperclassmen, James pulls Keith to the front. His timing is perfect, as the screens blink and start filling with names. James is looking frantically for the correct screen, then gasps and throws his arms around Keith’s shoulders.

 

“We did it! Look, Keith! We did it!” He’s jumping up and down, jerking Keith with him, and Keith tries to dislodge his grip before they step on somebody. He pokes James in the ribs, which causes the other boy to let go with one arm, but James clings, pointing with the now-free hand.

 

Keith’s name is number one for fighter class. James’ is second.

 

They’re the top two in their year. Keith feels the smile spread across his face and this time he doesn’t fight it when James pulls him into another hug.

 

James runs his eye down the rest of the list, then starts leading Keith out of the throng. James is commenting, which he always does, and Keith wishes he’d break that habit. He doesn’t care about who else is with their group and who has been sent to cargo class. He doesn’t need to have the kids from their training group pointed out, one rage-crying in a corner because he got listed for cargo pilot and the one with the headband trying to comfort him. All Keith wants to do is find Shiro and tell him the news.

 

As they start down the hall, James tugs at his hand. “Come on, we need to celebrate! There’s still a few peanut-butter brownies from Mom’s last package and curfew’s extended to midnight. We can go look at the stars—”

 

Keith pulls away. “I want to find Shiro first.”

 

James pouts. But it’s the pout with his eyebrows drawing together, which means James is likely to get pissed off fast if he doesn’t think of something.

 

“Come on, Keith, you’re spending the summer here. You’re going to see him all the time. I have to pack tomorrow. Please, come with me!”

 

“Look, you need to call your parents anyway, tell them the news, find out when they’re coming to get you. Do that, I’ll find Shiro, and I’ll meet you on the roof in half an hour. And I’ll help you pack tomorrow.”

 

James huffs, but lets it go. “Okay, but see if you can nab some milk or something from the commissary. I’ll bring the brownies.”

 

“Okay.” Keith takes off in the direction of the officers’ quarters, relieved that he dodged that bullet.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

The summer is glorious. The Garrison library is all Keith’s. He can take the bus into Plaht City and explore. He has permission to work in the simulators with any officer who’s willing and available. Even Adam, Shiro’s boyfriend, unbends enough to do a few runs with him when Shiro is gone for a week. Keith can’t resist smirking at Iverson when he sees the commander studying his flight logs. He texts with James, boasting about his scores and gets pictures of James traveling with his parents to various places. They’re supposed to make Keith jealous, but the only ones that make him pause are the ones from the ocean.

 

Keith’s never seen the ocean.

 

Shiro helps him get a provisional operator’s license, which means he can drive a hoverbike unsupervised as long as he stays within a 20-mile radius of the Garrison. He and Shiro do long drives on weekends and Keith learns every nuance of the bikes, from driving them to fixing them.

 

He even teaches himself Shiro’s cliff-dive, starting on small drops and working his way up until he has it perfected. He holds it in reserve, wanting to surprise Shiro at a good opportunity.

 

And then the summer is over. James texts that his parents are bringing him in on the first day. That gives them three days of freedom before classes start. Keith knows exactly what he wants to do on one of those days.

 

The second day, Keith gathers supplies for a picnic lunch from the commissary. He puts it all in a duffel bag, along with a spare blanket from his bed, and adds a bottle of sunscreen. He goes to James’ room and knocks.

 

James opens the door, his expression turning quizzical when he sees the bag in Keith’s hand. “You moving in?”

 

“What, and punish myself with your snoring? No way. Come with me, I’ve got a surprise.”

 

James follows him to the garage and tries a couple of times to trip Keith for the snoring remark. The one time he fell asleep on the Garrison roof when they were star-watching, he had a bit of a cold. Keith actually recorded it on his tablet and has never let James forget.

 

Keith goes to the hoverbike he’s used most often and puts the bag in the storage compartment. He runs over to the wall and gets two sets of goggles. He comes back, holding one pair out.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“We’re going to explore. I can drive these now. I’ve got a license and everything.”

 

“You do?” James’ eyebrows go together as he takes a set of goggles. There’s strong envy in his voice.

 

“Yeah. Professor Montgomery told me if I broke a thousand on the Phobos run, she’d issue the application to Iverson. Did it on my third try.” Keith snaps his goggles into place and mounts the bike. “Come on, get on.”

 

James climbs up behind him and puts his goggles on. Keith turns a little, reaching for James’ arms. “You’re gonna have to hold on.”

 

James sets his hands at Keith’s hips and Keith rolls his eyes.

 

“I mean it,  _ hold on _ .” He pulls James close behind him, pushing his hands together at Keith’s waist. When James doesn’t creep back to make more space between them, Keith grabs the handlebars and starts the engine.

 

Once they’re out of the base, Keith opens the throttle and lets it fly. James is definitely holding on tight now, each hand locked around the other wrist and his chest flush against Keith’s back. There’s an occasional whoop or “Keith!” and one “I don’t believe you!” when Keith uses a small rise to vault higher into the air for a few seconds.

 

After that, he figures James is ready.

 

He drives for one of the medium-sized cliffs in the area. He’s pretty sure he could do this from the cliff that Shiro used when he first pulled the stunt for Keith. But he has to take James’ weight into account and he just wants to surprise and scare James a little, not make him throw up or shit his pants.

 

James doesn’t realize what’s about to happen until they’re just a few meters from the edge.

 

_ “KEITH!!!!!” _

 

The arms around his waist tighten so much that Keith almost loses his silent count of seconds before engaging the throttle again. But he does it just right and the bike bounces smoothly before regaining its traction. He glides to a stop near his destination, a small natural spring with some green vegetation around it, in the shade of another cliffside.

 

James still has a deathgrip on him, his face buried in Keith’s shoulder. Keith reaches up and ruffles his hair. “Still alive back there?”

 

James turns his head and sees that they’ve stopped, then slowly unsticks himself from Keith’s back. He gives Keith a disbelieving stare. Keith pulls his goggles off and hangs them on the handlebar, smirking all the while.

 

James pushes his goggles up, shoving his hair from his face and making it stick up amusingly. “You…”

 

“Yes, me?”

 

“You could have  _ killed  _ us! What the fuck were you thinking?”

 

Uh oh. Is James swearing because he fell back into the habit at home or because he’s that upset?

 

“I knew what I was doing. I’ve been practicing all summer, ever since Shiro showed me.” Keith glosses over the fact that Shiro hadn’t actually taught him the move, just explained it.

 

James vaults off the bike. He sways a little, like his knees aren’t willing to hold him up just yet. “Shiro. Of fucking course it was Shiro.”

 

Okay, he’s probably mad.

 

But Keith’s getting a little mad as well. James  _ knows _ how much Shiro means to Keith, and yet acts jealous over almost every chance that Keith has to spend time with him.

 

“Yeah, it was Shiro. I mean, I was here all summer and so was he!”

 

“You could have come back home! You could have spent plenty of weekends at my house!”

 

“Yeah, only when you weren’t going all over the country with your parents! And I told you I wasn’t going back to the group house unless there was no other choice!”

 

“But—”

 

“Stop it! You knew that wouldn’t work! Your parents wouldn’t have kept me all summer, there’s no one else around to be my guardian, so staying at the Garrison was my best choice!”

 

“Why didn’t you ask  _ Shiro  _ to be your guardian?”

 

Keith’s face flames—he can feel the heat rising—and he hopes to God that it looks like he’s angry. At the beginning he let himself daydream just that, in spite of Shiro’s age and the various laws about taking care of minors. But the more time he’s spent with Shiro, the more Shiro has shown he likes spending time with Keith, Keith has started to daydream in a different direction. A direction that has to stay in dreams, because even if Keith were older, Shiro has a boyfriend.

 

“Shiro’s too young to be anybody’s guardian! And he goes on missions! That’s the dumbest idea I ever heard! Shiro’s my best friend, not some kind of babysitter!”

 

James looks like he’s been slapped. And then Keith realizes what he said.

 

“I...I thought I was your best friend.”

 

How does he answer that without hurting James more?

 

“Um, you’re my best friend in our class.”

 

“I’m your  _ only  _ friend in our class! You hardly talk to anyone else unless you have to!”

 

“So doesn’t that mean you’re important to me? If you’re the only other friend I have?”

 

“What makes me special if I’m the only one?” James takes the goggles off his head and clenches them in one fist.

 

And there it is. Again.

 

Keith has a competitive side. He owns that. If there’s a target to hit or an objective to meet, he wants to be the fastest and the best. But James spreads that same competitive streak into areas outside the sims. He still worries about being  _ popular _ , about being well-liked and admired in general.

 

And being Keith’s only friend his age, and one of two friends total, isn’t enough.

 

Keith bites his lip, wondering if there’s any possible way to get the apology conversation started before this gets worse.

 

“Look, it’s not… You… You’re the first friend I’ve had that’s my own age since before my dad died. Why do you have to keep going on about Shiro?”

 

“You’re the one that keeps going on about him!”

 

Okay, that is definitely not fair. Keith has learned to not talk about Shiro around James because it leads to situations like this one.

 

“I don’t! The only reason I brought him up now is because I was answering your question!”

 

“You do! Did you even think about me at all this summer? Or were you too busy running after Shiro?”

 

“I… you… we texted all the time!” Keith’s throat is starting to hurt and he can feel the tears threatening because James is being  _ so _ unfair right now.

 

“And when we weren’t texting?”

 

“Yes! I found books in the library I want to show you! I’d go up to our place on the roof to stargaze! I planned this damn picnic so I could take you riding! Why are you being like this?”

 

Something changes in James’ expression as he hears what Keith says. He pauses, looking down at the goggles in his hand, and untangles his fingers from the strap. He steps forward, setting them on the seat behind Keith.

 

James has shot up in height and it annoys Keith. He’s sitting on the hoverbike but James is still almost eye level with him.

 

“You really did think about me?”

 

“Yes?” Keith doesn’t get what’s changed but the air around them is now heavy in a completely different way from a few minutes ago.

 

“Because I thought about you. A lot. I missed you.”

 

“I missed you, too.” Keith is really confused now, because he thought that was obvious.

 

And when James puts his hands on Keith’s shoulders and kisses him, Keith is more confused than ever.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

James is dealing with a situation he never thought he’d have to deal with.

 

The alert had appeared on his tablet, just like everyone else’s, pointing all the cadets to the announcement in their email. There were very few details.

 

The Kerberos Mission was lost, all crew members presumed dead, and the only cause given was “pilot error”.

 

James tears out of his room and toward Keith’s, fear rising in his throat. If Keith had known about this, he would have come looking for James already.

 

Which means some weak link in the chain of command ignored Shiro’s instructions and sent Keith the same message as the rest of the Garrison.

 

James prays that Keith is in a sim or deep in a book or training in the gym or even asleep. Anything that doesn’t involve his tablet.

 

But Keith was studying, reading up on the latest findings of the probe that the Kerberos mission dropped to orbit Uranus.

 

And now the tablet is across the room, the screen a spiderweb of cracks from the impact with the wall.

 

And James has an armful of sobbing Keith.

 

Keith is in danger of hyperventilating and James tries his best to soothe him, one hand running up and down his back, the other tangled in his hair. “Slow it down, kitty-Keith. Breathe. I’m here, I’ve got you. I’ve got you. Breathe.” He presses kisses to Keith’s forehead and temples.

 

James realizes what slipped out and gives a mental shake of the head over the silly endearment that stuck after a particularly spirited evening of sex had left James with long scratches down his back.

 

The closest Keith has ever come to a pet name for him was Jiminy, after the cricket in _Pinocchio_ , as a signal that he felt James was nagging at him too much.

 

James focuses on breathing deeply but slowly, trying to get Keith to follow him before he passes out. Keith gasps and stutters, unable to form any words. But his breathing is slowing down. James gets his hand free from Keith’s hair and smooths his bangs from his forehead.

 

“That’s it. Just breathe, nice and slow.”

 

He sees a few cadets looking in. Everyone has the same drawn, wide-eyed expression that James knows is on his face as well. He jerks his chin at them, signaling for privacy, and Kinkaide is sharp enough to close the door that James left open.

 

With privacy established, James tries to pull Keith up a little, into more of a mutual hug. “Come on, I’m here. I’ve got you.”

 

Keith’s breathing has steadied enough that words are starting to come. “Shiro… It’s not true, it can’t be true! He’s not dead!”

 

James takes Keith’s face in his hands, his thumbs slipping in the wash of tears on Keith’s cheeks. “It was a dangerous mission, Keith. He knew. The Holts knew. They knew it could happen.” He presses his lips to Keith’s forehead again, trying to will some kind of comfort into him.

 

It’s not working. Keith is sobbing harder, with something like a growl rising from his throat, like he’s denying what James said.

 

How the hell do people do this? How do people deal with sudden and terrible grief?

 

“Shiro wouldn’t crash! He didn’t crash! Why are they lying?”

 

“They wouldn’t lie, Keith!”

 

“They would! If they didn’t know what happened, they could just say that! They’re using ‘pilot error’ because they can! Because they know—” Keith breaks off.

 

James sits back, suddenly uneasy. “They know what, Keith?”

 

Keith looks away, scrubbing at his face with the sleeve of his uniform.

 

“Keith?”

 

“They’re lying.”

 

“Okay, how do you know they’re lying?”

 

Keith stands up, looking for his boots.

 

“Keith?”

 

“I just know, okay?” Keith finds the boots and yanks them on, one after the other. “I’m going to see Iverson.”

 

“Iverson? Why?”

 

“Because he can get me in to see Admiral Sanda. She’ll have all the information they’re not sharing.” Keith’s eyes are hooded and dark, the anger growing.

 

“Keith, they’re not going to see you! They’re not going to tell you anything! If they didn’t honor Shiro’s request to keep you informed, they’re not going to change now! Let’s find the grief counselors, the announcement said they’d be in the library—”

 

“No. I am going to Iverson. I am going to get in to see the Admiral, and I am going to find out why they’re lying about Shiro!” Keith’s voice raises to a shout at the end.

 

He starts for the door and James gets up to follow him. Keith shoots him a glare. “Don’t. This is my fight and you know it.”

 

And James stops short, surprised to realize that Keith’s rejection of his help hurts more than the loss of the Kerberos team.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

Surprisingly, Iverson does take Keith to talk to the admiral.

 

But it doesn’t do a damn bit of good. The official story remains an unspecified “pilot error”. Keith seems to be stuck in between denial and anger, not letting go of his grief or his conviction that there’s more to the story. Not letting himself process enough to start healing.

 

There’s rumors, though. Rumors that there was something about Shiro that Commander Holt ignored when he selected him for the mission. Stronger whispers that little Katie Holt managed to hack her way into the Garrison’s system, searching for answers.

 

Keith feeds the rumors, remaining adamant that “pilot error” is covering up something else, something much bigger. His anger is showing up in the sims; he’s still getting high scores, but he’s taking more risks, flying with emotion instead of the patient focus Shiro had instilled in him. He’s backsliding in his schoolwork, only doing the major assignments and ignoring the homework.

 

Professor Montgomery pulls James aside one day after everyone else has left the sims.

 

“Griffin, can you talk to him?” No need to ask who she means. Keith topped the charts on today’s practice, but he did it by flying straight through the debris field, at a speed that not even the AI model could match. Even with the deductions for the minor damage to his ship, Keith broke the record point total thanks to the fastest time ever.

 

“I’ve tried, Professor. He...he just won’t listen. To anyone. There’s something he knows about Kerberos, but he’s not sharing it. He just keeps insisting that the Garrison is hiding what happened.”

 

“Could you try again? The only reason he hasn’t been put on academic probation yet is the sim performances. He’s really hurting himself.”

 

The phrase “academic probation” sends a chill through James. For a student who always prided himself on his grades, those words loom large.

 

“I’ll try, Professor.”

 

She pats him on the shoulder and he leaves, considering the possibilities of where to find Keith.

 

It’s more accident than design. James passes the faculty lounge and spots Keith inside, talking to the only other person in the room. It’s Adam, Shiro’s ex...something. James isn’t sure whether they actually got engaged or just talked about it, but that point is moot. James had spent one long evening in Keith’s room, listening to Keith rage on Shiro’s behalf because Adam had made Shiro choose between him and the mission. James is pretty sure that’s not the whole story, because it doesn’t make sense for Adam, another pilot trained for space exploration, to try and force Shiro turn down a history-making mission like Kerberos.

 

He sidles up to the closed door to listen. Maybe Adam will get through to Keith and James won’t have to try. Keith’s voice is loud and furious.

 

“It wasn’t! Shiro’s disease wasn’t going to advance for years!”

 

“Maybe. There were no guarantees. Any number of factors could have accelerated the degeneration, including being in space long-term.”

 

“Shiro’s been on missions before!”

 

“And none of them were longer than four months. That’s why the top brass didn’t want Shiro on the mission. There was no data to tell anyone what might happen with being in space for nearly three years.”

 

“Have you seen the records? They showed me some, trying to shut me up, but I looked at the backlog. Commander Holt was giving regular evaluations of Shiro’s health and he said _nothing_ about Shiro showing symptoms! Right up to the moment they lost contact!”

 

“Keith, you have to accept this. You have to accept that Shiro’s gone.”

 

“No! Not like this! Not with people thinking he made a mistake or did something irresponsible and killed them all! I’m not gonna give up on him like _you_ did!”

 

James realizes that Keith is charging for the door and darts around a corner. He turns around to start back and Keith crashes right into him.

 

“Keith, what—” James clutches at him, trying to steady them both.

 

Keith’s eyes are almost violet, they’re so dark with fury. He’s looking at James, but not exactly seeing him.

 

“Keith, what can I do? What do you need?”

 

That brings Keith’s focus on him, but now James is a little terrified at being the center of that wrath.

 

“I need to hit something or fuck something, and if I fuck you right now I’m going to hurt you.”

 

James stamps down the flash of intrigue at that thought and leads him to the gym, Professor Montgomery’s request forgotten.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

James does manage to fulfill Montgomery’s request, although it takes several days of taking Keith to the gym during free hours, letting him beat punching bags until he’s too tired to sustain his anger. Keith hears him out, because James frames it in terms of needing to stay at the Garrison, on the scene. He uses Katie Holt as an example: she managed to sneak into Iverson’s office and hack his computer for the Kerberos records, but got caught and is now banned from the entire facility.

 

Keith hears him, and maybe even listens. His approach in the sims calms down a little. He picks up the abandoned homework. But he never lets go of Kerberos completely, whether it’s doing research on his own or insinuating in any conversation that the Garrison isn’t telling them the whole story.

 

The tone of their relationship has shifted. After fumbling their way into sex like the inexperienced teens they were, they had learned one another well enough to know that neither would give up control fully. Switching was the routine: if one of them didn’t express a preference, they’d toss their dog tags into a boot and whoever’s were pulled out would top.

 

Keith has been topping since Kerberos.

 

One late winter day Keith vanishes. It’s a Saturday, and usually Saturdays mean long sessions in the gym or a hike together or a hoverbike excursion. But Keith isn’t in the gym. His hoverbike, the one that had been his dad’s and the estate handed over when Keith got his unlimited license, is in the Garrison’s garage for personal vehicles. Keith has never gone on a hike without James.

 

He’s about to alert the dorm supervisor when he sees Keith coming down the hall, a small white box in his hand.

 

“Where the hell were you?”

 

Keith frowns, confused at his tone. “I took the shuttle into town?”

 

“What for?” Now James is confused as well. He looks at the box and sees a bakery logo on it. “Is that...a cupcake?” Keith still doesn’t do a lot of desserts unless James is sharing his mom’s care packages.

 

Keith’s face turns pink and he starts moving down the hall, toward his room. “See you at dinner?”

 

In other words, whatever weird thing Keith is doing, he wants to do it alone.

 

James takes him at his word and finds him at dinner, then they go back to Keith’s room. James flops into Keith’s desk chair. But Keith can’t seem to settle. He’s moving around the room, picking up things here and there and putting them down. He gives James frequent glances, like he wants to ask him something but keeps losing his nerve.

 

James tries to help, taking a gently joking tone. “What’s gotten into you? You’ve been acting strange all day.” He leans forward, elbows on knees, and notices the paper in the trash.

 

The bakery box, a cupcake wrapper...and a burned candle.

 

Keith’s birthday is in October. Today is March 1st.

 

He must have been looking at the wastebasket too long, because Keith sighs and sits on the bed. “Today’s Shiro’s birthday, more or less.”

 

“More or less?”

 

Keith looks up, his eyes sad but smiling fondly. “Shiro’s a leap year baby. He always celebrates the day after February 28, whatever it happens to be.”

 

“So technically he only turned six last year?” It’s a bad try, but James doesn’t know what else to do.

 

And it works. Keith lets out a huff of laughter and nods. “Technically. He hates those jokes.”

 

It’s jarring to hear Keith talk about Shiro in the present tense, like he’s still alive. Keith hasn’t brought Shiro up personally in a while, just talked about the mission and the Garrison hiding things. James reaches a hand out.

 

“It’s okay to miss him, you know. He turned your life around.”

 

He is not going to think about just how long it took him to get that through his thick head.

 

And Keith looks up at him with a spark in his eyes that hasn’t been there for a long time. Hope? Validation?

 

He takes James’ hand and pulls on it. James goes with it, standing in front of Keith and looking down at him. Keith licks his lips nervously before speaking.

 

“Would you… Would you make love to me?”

 

James melts inside. He’s never seen Keith look at him like this before.

 

“Of course. Anything you want.”

 

When it’s over, James makes himself wait until Keith’s deeply asleep before disentangling himself, finding his clothes, and getting dressed. It’s well past curfew, but the senior cadets don’t have bed checks or patrols this late in the night.

 

He can’t stay any longer. His emotions are crashing into each other hard enough that he wants to scream.

 

He had done what Keith asked, worked him over lovingly and slowly, then carefully coaxed him open to slide inside. Keith had kept his eyes shut the entire time, his hands wandering everywhere. For James, it had been the best sex they’d had in ages.

 

And after he’d pulled out and collapsed onto Keith’s chest, panting and spent and giddy with the aftershock, he’d felt Keith’s fingers run through the top of his hair. James had looked up, hoping to see Keith looking back at him with an expression to tell him he did well.

 

But Keith’s eyes were still shut. And on the faintest of whispers, he breathed, “Shiro…”

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

James goes home for spring break, wanting the space to think and sort out his feelings. He cares about Keith, might even have fallen in love a little. But if he can’t pry Keith loose from his obsession over Shiro, James isn’t willing to continue their current hovering between friends-with-benefits and a couple.

 

He comes back with a plan, a way to frame the conversation that he thinks will work.

 

But when he arrives at his room to dump his bags, Kinkaide is on his heels, bursting with the news of Keith tearing a sim apart and being expelled from the Garrison.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

Keith is in a place he never imagined he’d return to.

 

He’s walking down the Garrison halls, following Commander Holt and Shiro as they bring each other up to speed. Pidge and her mom are behind him, with the rest of their group and those soldiers that helped them trailing behind. At least Lance’s sister managed to divide him from their swarm of a family, explaining the need for a debrief.

 

Hunk’s family is still out there, missing. Keith makes a mental note to check in on him soon.

 

Keith figures Adam is somewhere in the Garrison, biding his time until he can talk to Shiro. His hands tighten reflexively into fists, remembering how hurt Shiro had been over their breakup. They’d been together a long time, ever since they were cadets and flight partners…

 

Flight partners. Adam was a pilot as well as a teacher. One of the best ones in the Garrison at the time.

 

Suddenly Keith is sure that Adam is not in the Garrison anymore.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

Keith feels eyes on him as the debriefing begins.

 

He’s already uncomfortable, wearing a Garrison uniform for the first time in many years. He never liked the stiff edges of the high collar or the combination of orange and beige. The uniform makes him feel like a kid again and it’s an effort at first to speak up, to remember he is the leader of Voltron.

 

He glances around at one point and realizes who’s staring at him. James—or  _ Officer Griffin _ as he’s known now—is looking at him from his place on the other side of the room. Keith frowns at him, not sure why he’s getting the death-glare, but focuses back on the conversation when Hunk starts arguing about trying to rescue his family.

 

James snaps, “Hey, do paladins not understand the chain of command? Your CO said it was too dangerous.”

 

Keith is ready to smack him down and Shiro has stiffened beside him, but Sam cuts James off and redirects the conversation. Then Allura stands up as she offers a possibility; Keith has to remember that trick the next time he needs to make a point to this room full of people who are increasingly aware that their authority can’t help them in this situation. 

 

It’s so different from working with Voltron, where the chain of command is fluid at best and everyone is used to voicing their thoughts or acting when they see a need. The Blades had been a bit more organized, with a specific operative in charge of a given mission, but everyone knew circumstances could change in an instant and was prepared to act on their own if need be.

 

Keith wonders what James would do mid-battle if the command center was taken down and he suddenly had no commanding officer. Or what his squadron would do if he were shot down.

 

And then he remembers the boy who apologized to him and reached out. He resolves to do whatever he can to make sure James never has to face either of those situations.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

They win.

 

Keith’s still not sure how they managed it. The team’s last desperate efforts to move the unknown robeast far enough into space to save Earth succeeded, but sent the lions spiraling back down to the planet at terminal velocity. Keith had been the first to be pulled from his lion, but the last to recover; by the time the doctors brought him out of a medically-induced coma, his mother and Kolivan had arrived in answer to Shiro’s summons.

 

His recovery takes a while, between the skull fracture, other broken bones, and internal injuries. Shiro visits every day, even if only for a few minutes, and the other paladins come as their own injuries permit. Kolivan stays long enough to establish a few Blades at the new headquarters of the coalition and Krolia makes it clear she’s staying for the duration.

 

Matt brings Pidge to visit. She rides in a hoverchair because her broken ankle is still healing, and the three of them are having fun trading stories about the others. Keith is still laughing over Lance’s “Tailor” moment in the sims when James comes to the door and lingers.

 

Pidge notices and elbows Matt. “We gotta get back before the nurses come looking for me. They’re supposed to scan my ankle and see what’s up with it this afternoon.”

 

Keith waves them goodbye, then beckons a little impatiently as James hesitates. “Come on, then.”

 

James looks back at the door. “Who was that guy?” His voice betrays more than a bit of interest.

 

“You didn’t recognize him? That’s Matt Holt, Pidge’s brother.”

 

James does a classic double-take back at the door, his mouth hanging open. “Wait, him? That shrimpy nerd?”

 

Keith smirks a little and responds in his driest tone. “Amazing what being kidnapped by aliens, thrown into a gladiator ring, rescued by rebels, and training with them to help overthrow an evil empire will do.”

 

James’ eyes narrow. After all the time they’ve known each other, he still has to pause in order to detect Keith’s sarcasm level. He looks Keith up and down.

 

“Funny, could say similar things about you. How did you get so beefed up compared to McLain?”

 

Keith shrugs. “I wound up going through a quantum abyss where time was slowed down. Gained two extra years on everyone else.” Seeing James’ eyebrows go up, Keith decides to muddy the waters even more. “And then there’s the fact that apparently three years went by in a few minutes when we managed to prevent all alternate realities from collapsing and destroying the entire universe.”

 

“Wait, what? Alternate realities? That’s actually a thing?”

 

Keith nods and James draws closer to sit at the foot of the bed.

 

“Like when someone makes a decision one way and that’s our reality, but when they make the opposite choice there’s a split and things happen differently? Infinite possibilities?”

 

Keith shrugs. “I don’t know exactly. We discovered one alternate reality where Allura’s people ended up being the bad guys. She had died ten thousand years before instead of being placed in cryosleep, and those Alteans enforced the peace by implanting mind-control devices in everyone who was against them.”

 

James shudders at that thought. “Okay, yeah, not a good place to visit.”

 

“It wasn’t. And it was weird; there was a version of Shiro there—he was a member of a resistance group—and it was the strangest thing. His hair was different, and his voice, but it was still him. Our Shiro had been missing for a while at that point, which made it even harder.”

 

James tilts his head and looks at Keith assessingly. His lips tighten, as if he’s made some kind of unpleasant discovery. “So, have you and Shiro made it official yet?”

 

Keith frowns and looks away, trying to ignore the spike in his heartbeat at those words. “What are you talking about?”

 

“You haven’t. Oh my god. You carry a torch for a dead man, follow him into space when it turns out he’s not so dead, even gain two years on him, and, from what I heard, took out a Galra commander up close and personal with your sword to protect him? And you haven’t told him how you feel? What’s it gonna take?”

 

Keith stares down at his hands, willing himself not to clutch the sheets or cover his reddening face. “It’s not like that.”

 

“It is totally like that! I mean,” James glances at the open door and lowers his voice. “The last time you and I had sex, you were pretending I was him the whole time.”

 

Is it possible to spontaneously combust from embarrassment and guilt? Keith almost wishes it were. He shakes his head, sure he’ll stutter if he tries to speak.

 

“You were. You said his name after. I heard you.”

 

That startles Keith’s voice out of him. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to. God, James, I’m sorry.”

 

James reaches out with one hand, running it up and down Keith’s leg. “Apology accepted.”

 

Keith almost can’t breathe, the absolution is so unexpected. “But I hurt you!”

 

“Yeah, you did. But there’s no expiration date on an apology conversation.”

 

Keith smiles a little, hearing that old phrase, but James keeps going before he can say anything.

 

“And I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you faster. I wanted to go home and really think about what to say. Had it all planned out, with the best approach to get you to deal with your grief and everything. And then you apparently wrecked a sim and got thrown out before I could get back?” James’ voice lilts up in curiosity.

 

Now Keith clutches the sheets, remembering.

 

“I went to get some practice in and found a new program in the menu.” Keith swallows hard, remembering the grief and rage that had poured out of him at the time. “It was a rescue objective...with a target of Kerberos.”

 

James’ hand tightens on Keith’s leg. “Holy shit,” he breathes. “You saw that with no warning?”

 

Keith nods. “Smashed the menu display with my bare hand before I realized it.”

 

James lets go of Keith’s leg and holds his hand out. “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner.”

 

Keith accepts the apology by completing the handshake and goes back to twisting up the sheets. “Thanks. But I think it mostly worked out for the best anyway. If I’d still been in the Garrison when Shiro escaped, I doubt we’d have been able to find the Blue Lion before that first Galra ship arrived.”

 

James is about to reply when there’s a burst of bright light and the bed is filled with seventy-five kilos of cosmic wolf. He squirms up to lick Keith’s face, and Keith happily goes for the ears while James is whacked with a wagging tail.

 

“Shiro’s on the way, then?” Keith asks and the wolf gives that chirpy sort of growl that means assent rather than aggression.

 

James stands, holding his hands out to keep the wolf’s tail off him. “I better go.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Keith protests.

 

“Yeah, I do. You have something to tell Shiro. I’ll drop in again day after tomorrow. We’re in training all day tomorrow with the squadron for the new wave of MFEs.”

 

Keith smiles at James as the wolf settles on his legs. “Good luck with that.”

 

“Should be fine. No signs of anyone being a fancypants pilot in this bunch.”

 

“Hey, I can outfly anyone in this building...or what’s left of it.”

 

James’ expression turns fond. “Maybe once you’re healed up we can take a couple of the MFEs for a spin. See if you can find any room for improvement.”

 

“Only if you come for a ride in the Black Lion.”

 

“Deal.” James reaches out to shake on it and Keith tugs so he can slap James on the back with his free hand. James returns the embrace, ruffling Keith’s hair.

 

“Am I interrupting?” Shiro is standing in the door, looking a little curious.

 

“No, sir, just saying goodbye for now.” James straightens and salutes.

 

“At ease, Griffin. I’ll see you at training tomorrow.”

 

James departs, but gives Keith a significant look as he does so. Keith gets the message: if he doesn’t talk to Shiro now, James is going to have ample opportunity to drop hints or otherwise make Keith’s life miserable.

 

Shiro comes to sit on the bed, patting the wolf with his prosthesis. “How are you feeling today?”

 

“Pretty good.” Keith reaches out and takes Shiro’s other hand. With one deep breath for courage, he begins. “I need to talk to you about something.”

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

Two evenings later, James turns up at Keith’s door, bearing a plate of caramel brownies and praising Hunk for helping him sub some of the ingredients that are still scarce during a post-war recovery. 

 

They’re still warm from the oven.

 


End file.
